10 ways to tell if your man is on the down low
1. He broke up with you before heading off to Morehouse: If there’s one thing a nigga at Morehouse doesn’t need, it’s less access to some girls. Some years back, I had the opportunity to visit their chick-less campus and they gave me the whole stick-up-the-ass (no pun intended) “Morehouse Man”/“Future Black Leader” script to try & impress me. To make a long story short, I took my black ass to another school – and stayed in a co-ed dorm, on a co-ed floor. I ain’t got time for the bullshit.
Going to Morehouse is like going to a movie theatre that doesn’t sell popcorn: deep down you know what your number one priority should be, but it still doesn’t change the fact that you’d rather be somewhere else.
But anyway – if your guy recently got into Morehouse and broke up with you, I’m sure it must be a tough time for you right now. You’re probably confused. But try to recall the events leading up to the breakup. For example, has he ever suggested that Spelman be torn down and turned into a parking lot? Did he ever brag about how his dorm room is so nice that he’ll never have to leave campus? If so, you might want to charge that nigga to the game.
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2. He’s always talking about how “freaky” he is: Exhibit A: Sexy Spec from Pretty Ricky (under no heterosexual circumstances should a man be this agile, that low to the ground).
These types of niggas always let the cat out of the bag, eventually. You might think humping chairs is cool now; but one day, you’re gonna come home early from work and see just how “freaky” he really is. Don’t say I never warned you.
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3. He enjoys Madea movies: If I’m not mistaken, there’s a Madea movie in theatres right now. And luckily for you, I’ve designed a highly-scientific experiment involving these movies to help you get to the bottom of whether or not your man does, in fact, like sausage.
As a beginning step, I want you to suggest that the two of you go see this movie. Listen closely for his response. If his words do not resemble any of the following:
- “Fuck”
- “Fuck my life”
- “Fuck this shit”
- “This some bullshit”
- “Shit”
- “Damn”
- “I think we should see other people”
…then he’s suspect.
But don’t count him out yet. The real test comes once inside the theatre.
If, upon viewing at least 10 minutes of the movie, he’s not (1.) sleeping, or (2.) sporting a weathered, confused look, like he just went 12 rounds with a prime Mike Tyson – then yeah, you might wanna make sure you’re not missing any panties once y’all get home. (more…)
